Tuesday, November 3, 2009

New York Times, Onion argue over which one is "paper of record"

The Onion is taking on the Times! (Ohhh, how droll!)

The paper of record has a story today in which they fawn over The Onion, which is also claiming to be the paper of record.  (Fight!)

The Onion has just come out with a collection-of-their-best-headlines book entitled, “Our Front Pages: 21 Years of Greatness, Virtue, and Moral Rectitude From America’s Finest News Source.”

Apparently The Onion folks get to sit around their offices like the kids at Vice and Gawker get to do, dreaming up hilarious stuff for the masses while stoned out of their minds.  (I actually applied to The Onion several months ago -- never heard back.)

Apparently they all go on to write for Comedy Central shows like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Important Things with Dimitri Martin, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, The Colbert Report, Futurama, etc.  Jeez ... I'm in the wrong business.  Hard news is sooo not comedy.  There's nothing funny about starving kids in Ethiopia, chopped up, mutilated dead combatants in the Congo or boring diplomats in Kenya (actually, Kenyan "diplomacy" is richly comedic!).

Anyway, here are some sample headlines the Times chose to highlight from The Onion's new book:

“Depressed? Try Liposuction on that Pesky Head”

“U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort in Afghanistan”

“Quick and Painless Overthrow of  Taliban Enters Eighth Year”

“Afghanistan Rapidly Replacing Iraq as Replacement for Vietnam as Replacement for Quagmire”

Read the article and weep -- cause your job is boring compared to working at The Onion.

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